The modern travel book often centres on a journey of misery and hardship, dragging us to faraway place of which we know nothing. So what is the business traveller to make of such bestselling nonsense?
This thought occurred to me on a long and sleepless flight over the Atlantic ocean, cruising west towards my favourite business destination in the southern hemisphere: the incredible city of Sao Paulo.
Ten hours in the air gives you plenty of time to sample the inflight video and audio. In a moment of foolishness, I began listening to a modern ‘classic’ of the travel writing genre, hoping for some entertainment.
Some hope. I will spare you the tedious details, but the highlights included the protagonist choosing the slowest form of travelling from A to B available. In his view, this should preferably be a) dirty, b) smelly, and c) unreliable.
Taking the slow and smelly route, our bestselling hero managed to make an innocent girl cry, get lost a couple of times and get a stomach bug. How lovely.
I suspect that most of these works of poverty tourism are bought by people who love the idea of getting lost somewhere dusty, unhygienic and hostile but don’t really want to go there.
The road less travelled is a wonderful idea, in theory. In practice, it often leads you somewhere where you’ll get ripped off, sick, bored and confused. You don’t have to leave your hometown to achieve all this, so why waste valuable vacation time?
I might as well confess. I am a fan of the reliable mid-range hotel, with its beige walls, standard-issue maple-look furniture, its remote control, laundered sheets and slightly-disappointing city views. Excitement and innovation is great, but not when it comes to somewhere to get some sleep.
In a previous life, my work took me to the remote mountain ranges of Pakistan. The skies at night were as clear as any I’ve seen: a million stars and galaxies. Indeed, it was preferable to spend the nights stargazing than trying to sleep in our squalid, improvised accommodation.
The journey back to the capital, Islamabad, was a two-day drag in the back of a rusting Land Rover, a vehicle designed for neither comfort nor speed.
The half-way hotel was, I think, the worst I have ever stayed in: imagine a neglected public bathroom with bad lighting and a reception area attached, and you’ll begin to get the picture. Mr Bestselling Travel Writer would’ve loved it.
If only I could have scooped three or four stars our of the spectacular night sky and sprinkled them on that dump of a place. For my travelling companions and I, the only option was to split our remaining liquid rations and count the cockroaches.
A couple of years later came the final affirmation, for me, that the ordinary business hotel is a place to be desired, and not scorned.
In Northern Ireland one night, I sat blindfolded in the back of a speeding car. I was on the way to an arranged meeting with men who felt their community had been grievously wronged. There had been another bump in the road towards a lasting peace.
I need not have feared. At a farmhouse deep in the countryside, three middle-age men, polite and clearly exhausted by the armed struggle, offered me a mug of tea, a large glass of Bushmills and a long lecture on how the past could shape the future. They just wanted to get their message out to an indifferent world.
So it was that, around midnight, I arrived safely back at the Europa Hotel in the heart of Belfast.
President Clinton had stayed there on his visit to Northern Ireland, enjoying the same down-to-earth smile and welcome that every guest received, rain or shine. Maybe it was the Europa’s record as the most-bombed hotel in Europe that engendered such genuine warmth from the staff.
That night, The Crown pub, across the road from the Europa, had emptied out its patrons, and the party was continuing in the hotel’s bar, as it seemed to every night.
For once, I was more than happy to take the lift straight to a beige, businesslike room with clean cotton sheets.
And sleep.
Hywel Jones is a television producer who has travelled the world with the BBC and ITV. He now runs the international broadcast and corporate TV production company hi.tv. His favourite destination is San Francisco.
