On a typical business trip you’re likely to find yourself queuing at least 12 times. Standing in line can test the tolerance of the most hardened road warrior, so: how do you improve your SIQ (that’s Standing in Queues) rating?
I once worked with a guy who had a hugely negative SIQ. There was no queue that he wouldn’t jump, dodge or ignore.
To cut a long story short, we worked together as a team in the States, often jumping on planes at the last moment, trying to get places fast.
If my buddy was faced with a check-in queue at the airport gate, he would simply walk straight to the front. He would breezily wave his boarding card and, with a smile and a snappy one-liner, head for the plane (I must explain at this point that this was some time ago, in a more innocent age).
Once on the plane, he would sit himself down in first class, typically seat 1A. This would happen despite the fact that he rarely held a ticket for anything except coach. That’s right: coach, where people had to queue to get on the plane, and then queue again to find a seat.
He would get away with this routine time after time. I attribute this to the fact that he was young, fairly good looking and was clearly a foreigner, with an exotic accent.
The flight attendants would have to make an instant judgement. Was he simply a chancer, who should be chastised and sent to the back of the plane? Or was he a charming innocent abroad, whose breaches of etiquette should be indulged?
Most of the time, he was indulged.
It was his chutzpah versus their polite tolerance. Chutzpah versus saying nothing: it’s a classic queuing dynamic.
If you have a low SIQ, you might find yourself tutting this guy’s type of behaviour, or worse. In these more security-conscious times, he would probably find himself sitting in the custody suite rather than first class.
The need for greater security has added to the queues we face when travelling. Quite right, too, in my opinion. As Thomas Jefferson is reputed to have said, “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.”
Jefferson, I think, would have understood that rather than fretting over queues, we should learn to embrace their unnatural constraints. We should learn to increase our SIQ.
On a typical foreign trip, the queuing begins at check-in, followed by security, boarding, passport control at your destination, a wait at the taxi rank, and checking in at the hotel. Repeat on the way back, and you have at least 12 queues every time you travel abroad.
Queuing is not hard-wired into the human brain. Neanderthal man did not form an orderly line to pick berries or strip the meat from the fallen animal. Queuing is a mark of a civilised society.
So, without getting all zen on you, learning to queue a little more patiently might make you a better human being.
But, let’s face it: we need some help increasing our collective SIQ. We can’t do it on our own. This is where the travel industry – particularly airports and airlines – can do something.
Give the traveller something to do, or look at. Time spent doing something seems to pass more quickly than time spent staring at the wall. TV monitors can carry not just news and information, but advertising too. There is no more captive an audience than 200 people waiting for a plane.
Let the travellers know that the show has begun. If you tell passengers that boarding is likely to start in 30 minutes, they have some information to work with. They know what is going on. The ancient part of the brain that detests being kept in the dark will relax.
Explain delays. Seems obvious, huh? Well, you’d be surprised how often check-in desks are closed, boarding is delayed or the plane goes into an unexplained holding pattern. On these occasions, each minute can seem an eternity.
Oh, and keep a look-out for a distinguished looking chap with an exotic accent and bags of chutzpah bluffing his way to the front of the queue. And, if you see him, tell him he owes me 50 bucks.
Hywel Jones is a television producer who has travelled the world with the BBC and ITV. He now runs the international broadcast and corporate TV production company hi.tv. His favourite destination is San Francisco.
